Self Talk

With Lisa and Philip

Week 1

What are we saying to ourselves? What do you say to yourself when you look in the mirror each morning – anything? Do you ignore yourself? What would it feel like to say to yourself – “Hey handsome!” or “Hey there beautiful!” Would you feel embarrassed? Self-conscious? Silly? Stupid?

 Much of our communication is self-communication and over the next few weeks I’m going to focus on self-talk.

According to Dawn Brown, a specialist in relationship, career and life transitions, and psychotherapist: We’re not aware of it, but we think approximately 50,000 thoughts daily, over half of them are about ourselves, and approximately 80% of those thoughts are negative. They are thoughts about what we should have done or failed to do - thoughts in a tone that is critical, nagging, sarcastic, bullying. They provide an ongoing commentary about every move we make and everything we say, think or feel. If our friends talked to us like that, we’d find it abusive, and those people would soon be our ex-friends. And yet we permit this abuser - our inner critic - to live in our head. 

 So, this week, I want you to try something. Every time you see yourself in the mirror, give yourself a compliment – say it out-loud. Yes, some may think you’re in the beginning stages of schizophrenia. Ah well. Something like, “Hey good looking!” Remind yourself several times a day – your communication with yourself will change – in fact, stick with it, make this your habit – and your self-talk will improve dramatically.

Week 2

So now you’ve been complimenting yourself for 2 weeks and over the last week when a guilty feeling arises, you’ve learned to recognize it, squash it, and replace it with constructive talk – focused on resolution and positive affirmation.
 
We tend to be our own worst critic. We think it’s admirable when we hear that of an athlete – “he’s harder on himself than his coach – Why? Strive to do the best you can – but beating yourself up over something you’ve done isn’t going to change. Focus on the future, not on the past – the resolution, not the blame. Instead of a baseball player saying, “I should’ve hit that pitch,” say “Next time I see that curveball; I know what to do with it!” 

This week, consciously become your own support group, your own fan base, your own foundation of encouragement. Begin to look within for validation and fulfillment – tell yourself what a great job you did, or effort you made, or if great effort wasn’t made, then tell yourself, I know when I make the effort, I’ll succeed and I know I can make the effort.” I’m not suggesting you blow smoke – but find the positive in your effort. It’s a journey. Positive self-talk will help you stay on track.