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Self Talk
With Lisa & Philip 
 

• Marriage Talk - click here to read

• Self Talk - click here to read

So here’s this week’s CTOW (#27):

How do you speak to your spouse? Do you expect your spouse to focus on you and what you have to say wherever and whenever you have that something to say, but once your needs are met off you go. It doesn’t cross your mind that your spouse may have been in the middle of something when you demanded attnetion. It doesn’t cross your mind that your spouse may have thoughts on other issues – you haven’t got the time.
 
That’s a great way to make your spouse feel used. Yeah, sometimes we’re all in a rush, but it’s so easy use that as an excuse that begins to become a habit of taking your spouse for granted. Believe it or not, it doesn’t take a lot of time to connect -This week, I want you to try something, Watch and observe the way you speak to your spouse. Become aware of your need to get your answers or share your information while unintentionally not giving your spouse the time of day - stop and observe yourself. What’s the reaction you’re getting from your spouse? Don’t take your spouse for granted – give each other moments of connection.

Tip of the Week 11/1/08

So now you’ve been complimenting yourself for 2 weeks and over the last week when a guilty feeling arises, you’ve learned to recognize it, squash it, and replace it with constructive talk – focused on resolution and positive affirmation. We tend to be our own worst critic. We think it’s admirable when we hear that of an athlete – “he’s harder on himself than his coach – Why? Strive to do the best you can – but beating yourself up over something you’ve done isn’t going to change. Focus on the future, not on the past – the resolution, not the blame. Instead of a baseball player saying, “I should’ve hit that pitch,” say “Next time I see that curveball; I know what to do with it!”

This week, consciously become your own support group, your own fan base, your own foundation of encouragement. Begin to look within for validation and fulfillment – tell yourself what a great job you did, or effort you made, or if great effort wasn’t made, then tell yourself, I know when I make the effort, I’ll succeed and I know I can make the effort.” I’m not suggesting you blow smoke – but find the positive in your effort. It’s a journey. Positive self-talk will help you stay on track.

Tip of the Week 11/8/08

Last week I encouraged you to compliment yourself every time you saw yourself in the mirror. How hard was it? Did it make you smile? Did you feel guilty for not doing it? Guilt – what a burden we place on ourselves. Much of our self-talk is an unending, unforgiving guilt reminder and repetition. We’d never let someone do that to our child – but we allow ourselves to do it to ourselves. “I can’t believe you ate that desert last. You numbskull! You’ll never lose weight if you keep that up!”

This week, consciously evict the guilt from your being. When it surfaces, see it, call it out, and dump it. We all have so much going on theses days – adding a layer of guilt is destructive. Toss it. If you feel you should have done something, or not done something, put your energy into resolving it or apologizing for it, but don’t carry it around to beat yourself with – that’s not helping. Instead, continue that compliment – “Way to be aware of that guilty feeling – way to dump it!” Keep at it. You’re consciously creating new habits that will take over your subconscious self-talk – as a result, your self-talk will continue to improve dramatically.


Tip of the Week - 11/15/08

So now you’ve been complimenting yourself for 2 weeks and over the last week when a guilty feeling arises, you’ve learned to recognize it, squash it, and replace it with constructive talk – focused on resolution and positive affirmation. We tend to be our own worst critic. We think it’s admirable when we hear that of an athlete – “he’s harder on himself than his coach – Why? Strive to do the best you can – but beating yourself up over something you’ve done isn’t going to change. Focus on the future, not on the past – the resolution, not the blame. Instead of a baseball player saying, “I should’ve hit that pitch,” say “Next time I see that curveball; I know what to do with it!”

This week, consciously become your own support group, your own fan base, your own foundation of encouragement. Begin to look within for validation and fulfillment – tell yourself what a great job you did, or effort you made, or if great effort wasn’t made, then tell yourself, I know when I make the effort, I’ll succeed and I know I can make the effort.” I’m not suggesting you blow smoke – but find the positive in your effort. It’s a journey. Positive self-talk will help you stay on track.
 

Tip of the Week - 11/22/08

After several weeks of positive self-talk, you may now be becoming more aware of how hard you are on yourself. As I mentioned last week, we are our own worst critic – judge, prosecutor, and media trasher. And we assume that’s the way it should be. The stress that goes along with failing to meet the impossible internal standards we set for ourselves is demanding, draining, and never ending. Give yourself a break. Congratulate yourself on a job well done – you are good at your life – allow your self to see it. Imagine your child was subjected to the negative feedback all day long that you give yourself. Would you want your child in that environment? You are your own child – treat yourself appropriately – with patience, love, and forgiveness.

This week, consciously step outside yourself and observe your efforts. Think of your self as someone you are trying to provide loving guidance to. Find the good, the positive, in everything you, think, say, and do. Congratulate yourself every time you consciously notice and commend yourself. You’re teaching yourself and learning a new habit. It’s hard, but don’t be hard on your self. Reward yourself for even a glimmer of conscious awareness of this effort – there’s no right or wrong or standard to meet – accept your effort, and congratulate your self.